This morning I woke up at 9:23am to “Jarl Ballin’” playing a few inches away from my ear, an unfortunate and unrectified ringtone choice I made back when Skyrim Youtube videos were funny, which was at least a year ago. “Who’s calling me this early?” I wondered. And where am I? What’s my name? Slowly the pieces came together. My name is Brad, I’m lying on the bed in my brother’s ex-room which has since become my mad scientist laboratory/happy place/dark place, and the person calling me is the receptionist at my therapist’s office, wondering why I’m not at my 9am appointment.
Polyphasic sleeping is going…ok.
Is it Wednesday? I’m not sure. I’m in a serious brain fog here. This post will probably reflect that.
So the plan is/was to start with an all-nighter, then begin taking 20 minute naps every two hours, and reducing those by one nap a day until I’ve hit full-on Uberman. In practice, the week’s looked a little bit different so far.
The all-nighter was brutal. I don’t think I’ve pulled a non-party related all-nighter since college, and that was, well, a minute ago. I started out in high spirits with a stack of figure drawing tutorials to watch and by 5am was doing jumping jacks to stay awake and carrying on conversations with my parents’ cats (because I never do that normally ever).
But I made it. And I thought it would be smooth sailing from there. No more crazy all-nighters, just more naps than you can shake a stick at. Well, it’s been a little more complicated. I’ve basically been alternating between naps that consist of lying down for 20 minutes, bored and awake and naps that cruise right past my alarm and terminate at some later point dangerously close to losing nap-level status.
So, this is hard, but I was warned. It’s “adaptation week”, it’s totally a thing deserving of ire. I’m definitely getting through this thing one way or the other, not only so I can reap the benefits of less time sleeping, not only because I absolutely refuse to fail at this process a third time, not only because I posted about it on the internet and all three people who read the last post might hold me accountable, but also, also because my parents think it’s hilarious, and derisive parent-laughter, for those of you unaccustomed, is like high-octane jet fighter fuel laced with methamphetamine for motivation. I’ve got tutorials to watch, and ringtones to change and I won’t be a slave to my stupid brain sending sleep chemicals all whenever like it owns the place. I’m in charge here.
I’ll keep you guys posted.